.: Traditional Massage

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Off Topics:
Politics is a dirty game. Its a game of ruthlessness and lies. Ultimately the guy who manage to convience the hearts of the people wins. Apart from holding rallies or social visits, there is this van with a loud speaker attached announcing and reminding the public to vote for the correct political party. Something funny happen yesterday, on the first round the opposition party's van went by followed by the current ruling party which is about 3 mins later. On their second pass, the ruling party's van is tail gaiting the opposition's and this continue for a few rounds which all the message by both vans are quite jumble up. Battle between loud speaker vans.
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Went to the massage parlour on my first and fourth night in Pattaya. I asked my Thai friend if there is any good decent massage parlour as i need some bone cracking relieve.

Rubber: Khun XXX, where can i go for a good massage?
Thai Friend: Body massage? Sabai sabai?
Rubber: No.... traditional massage.
TF: Oh... we can go hell land..
Rubber: @_@" I beg your pardon??
TF: Hell land....... hell land....... for massage
Rubber: Is it clean? I dun want to end up in a sleazy place.
TF: Come come... i show you..

Oh.... HealthLand... -___-"

Anyway the place was huge and its rather new. Squeky clean with tip top service. Usually have to wait cos they will be a long queue before you.

We were led to a big room with dim lightings and curtain all over the place. I went to my intended mattress with my friend and put on our pyjamas like outfit and lie on our mattress. Then my friend signal to the masseuse that we are ready. In an astounding voice she said, "Sir yours very long." I was like "Har?? Er.. thank you.." thinking it was a complement but a bit bashful though. Then she spoke again, "Sir...." pointing at my feet then give the go in sign... Oh... my feet are too long and they are left dangling out of the mattress. I let out a little chuckle and treat it as though nothing has happen. *whistle*...

On Thursday, we went back to the pinch me in the leg and arms place. Very soon we learn that we should never have a massage within such short period cos instead of having a relaxing time, we actually felt pain and was going ouch!! ouch!! from time to time. Well... not for me though as i am occupied with some other things. Not aware of what i ate but gas are accumulating in the..... ....... ..... you know where. So, my attention went to focus on keeping the gap closed and not let the masseuse safocate in my toxins. And of course those guys beside me are being pressed so they have to keep their muscle stiff to restrain the force exerted by muscular masseuse aunties. I don't wish to have any bones broken when they laugh their ass out just because i let out some gas. Worst part is when the masseuse spread my legs, and i went OMG!!! Its gonna blow!!! Transfering all remaining strength to the anus muscle just to shut it tight and the day is saved. I have to admit i release an ounce of it though. For those who happen to smell something funny that night, well i'm sorry about it but consider everything ended up well ok?

Overall i would recommend people who go to Pattaya to visit HealthLand. Its good and relatively cheap (at 350 bath for a 2 hours session) unlike some other places which looks run down and torn up by a tornado charges me 500 bath cos i am a farang (foreigner). Service is good and i get a warm cup of tea after the massage. Remember to give tips to your masseuse though, i wasn't aware of such rituals until my friend told me.